This is quite a complex story to explain, but to keep it brief, I believe in Jesus because 1) there is compelling evidence that the resurrection of Jesus as recorded in the Gospels is a true event in history 2) I am broken, and 3) because I’ve experienced and seen how Jesus changes lives. In college, I reached a state of utter confusion because on the surface, everything was great, but inside I felt such deep emptiness. I grew up incredibly blessed and hit every milestone, but still felt like something was missing. For context, I grew up believing in God, but Jesus was not a big part of my everyday life. I lived as though God is for Easter and Christmas and a nightly prayer, and every other day is about the real world, my life, and what I wanted. It was convenient and involved minimal effort. In contrast to this, there were a few friends and mentors I knew who made Jesus a huge part of their life, and I wondered if that was why I saw such a peace, self-assuredness, and light in them. But as someone who received a public school education, there were a lot of questions as well.
I decided it was time to stop procrastinating. If I was going to see what answers are out there, it would require initiative and effort. In summary, every time I had a question and searched with a heart to understand, I found a compelling answer. It took time to read books, watch videos, ask questions to pastors, but I came out the other side with understanding. Knowing more shattered my elementary-school, simplified version of the Gospels I was taught. The disciples were not characters, they were complex, messy, human beings who made countless mistakes. If you read how insightful, powerful, and eloquent the chapters called Romans, 1 Peter, Luke etc are, you will know in your gut that these people were not stupid. They spoke powerfully and brilliantly, even though some were uneducated fishermen. They bet their lives on what they witnessed Jesus do.
I went into my search with a “prove it” mindset. We want God to appear in front of us and fulfill our definition of certainty. But just because God might not communicate with us in the way we want doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
Because God is personal, I’ve found the cause and effect experiment you CAN do is with your own life. Try living according to what Jesus modeled (loving people irregardless, talking to God about your hopes and dreams and pain (aka praying), and asking God to change your heart and move through you). See if this change results in any effects. For me, it took more than a year of yearning to know more about God until I realized there was an effect. But the effect was profound.
Jesus replaced my need to be seen as perfect with security in the fact that he already knows me and loves me as I am. Jesus replaced my fear of people with peace that it is okay if people don’t like me and that a much more productive focus is to befriend lonely people. When I previously would have fallen apart with self-loathing if I didn’t know an answer or made a mistake, Jesus protected my heart and gave me hope that abundant life is through him, not in clawing my way to the top of the world’s latter. Jesus was the antidote to the darkness in my mind and soul.
But what actually proved Jesus most to me though was the cause and effect of falling away from Jesus. When I got busy or thought I could do it alone, I found myself back at a point of forcing a thousand smiles on the outside and drowning in despair on the inside. There was an emptiness in my heart that accomplishments, fun things, or people could never fill. But when I cried out to Jesus again, I was rescued from myself and started back on the road to healing.
After you do this cycle of being very great when you are walking with Jesus to being very not okay when you stray away to walk alone like 4 times, you realize the most reasonable conclusion is that Jesus is who keeps healing you.
Messages at church went from boring to interesting when I learned that the Bible is hard to understand because there are a million nuances and references, but pastors have dedicated their lives to understanding it and presenting it in layman’s terms.
This is what it looks like for me when I prioritize trying to become more like Jesus. I surround myself with supportive people, I listen to music and media that have healing messages, I let God be in charge of justice and just focus on doing my best. I focus on Jesus as my audience of one. In my internal dialogue, I am kinder to myself and others. I walk through life with a defined purpose. I try to be a good steward of what I have been blessed with and use my gifts to encourage and build other people up. I don’t live in regret of the past and fear of the future (which I became an expert in during my teenage years). Instead, I let go of the things I can’t control, knowing God will make a way for me to be where I am supposed to be.
The Bible tells us ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ (Matthew 22:37) Jesus wants you to love him with your incredible mind also. He has answers to your questions. You might not get them in the way or timing that you want, but remember that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I will link a few resources below that helped me if you are searching for answers with genuine curiosity. It also helped me to start by talking to Jesus, since God feels very big and far away. But Jesus was a person who walked on this Earth, and he loves you very much, more than your parents and your friends. Do you also feel like that would fill a hole in your heart?
(Also, if you are considering if there might be a supernatural good (God), there also might be a supernatural evil that will do anything to keep you from God. So be aware and resilient. Question if the decisions you make are motivated by “easy and fun” or if they bring you closer to the person you want to be.)
Resources: https://linktr.ee/things_about_jesus